In the words of an online community member, “gender envy” is one term that seems to cross LGBTQ+ circles often. What does that mean, though? What differentiates gender attraction from gender envy? Furthermore, what is the reason for this to be so prominent among teenagers looking for an identity?
Gender envy best describes admiring, yearning for, or even feeling some degree of jealousy toward the expression of a person’s gender traits. Contrary to simple admiration, which can be distant, this desire shows a need to possess those traits actively.
While gender envy may be a transitory idea for some, for others, it dramatically affects their self-exploration journey. This blog post outlines what gender envy encompasses, how it displays itself in adolescents, the reasons contributing to it, and what parents can do to help their children.
What Is Gender Envy?
In simpler terms, gender envy is the desire to display or embody characteristics of a specific gender that one feels is aligned with them more. This feeling is quite familiar to individuals who are grappling with their gender identity, especially those identifying as transgender or non-binary.
Gender Envy and Self-Exploration
It is crucial to understand that feeling gender envy alone does not define someone as being transgender. For some, it is just a form of self-expression and identity rather than an indication of more significant gender dysphoria.
How Gender Envy Manifests
A multitude of people who suffer from gender envy often have a strong attraction to some physical features, styles of dress, behaviors, or even ways of speaking associated with an identity they identify more closely to.
The Role of Self-Expression
This could come as a desire to try self-expression changes such as hairdos, new clothing styles, or different pronouns. Some people consider gender envy a positive developmental milestone. However, this can be very challenging for others, especially those who cannot express themselves easily.
Examples of Gender Envy in Everyday Life
A woman who identifies as female may experience something that resembles admiration, in this case, directed toward a man with a booming voice, confident stance, and strong jawline. She likely does not find him attractive but instead wishes to personify him.
Likewise, a man who identifies as male may feel the need to present more feminine, wishing to cover up more traditionally masculine features after seeing a woman with delicate features, flowing dresses, and a soft attitude.
For example, you might feel envy over someone who does not categorize themselves strictly as masculine or feminine because of the effortless blending of both those aspects, as they may wish to be viewed in a particular light.
Gender Envy Vs. Attraction: Understanding the Difference
Gender Envy vs. Attraction: The most common misunderstanding regarding gender envy is that it is identical to attraction. Nonetheless, these two experiences differ at their core. Gender envy refers to the desire to manifest oneself in a specific manner, but attraction refers to being interested romantically or sexually in another person.
How to Tell the Difference
One effective way to differentiate the two is to contemplate whether you want to be like someone or want to be with them. If the answer revolves around wanting to possess their traits, then it is most likely gender envy.
If the focus is more on the person’s appreciation and romantic or sexual interest, that would be an attraction. Even so, there is sometimes a blending of the two, leading to confusion.
A case in point is a trans man who may feel gender envy toward some masculine celebrity. He may wish to possess certain aspects of his personality while also finding them attractive, which makes it hard to untangle these two experiences.
Gender Jealousy: A Related Concept
Also, there is something known as gender jealousy, which is somewhat related to gender envy but usually carries some element of anger or resentment. A person undergoing gender jealousy may feel angry or even quite hostile toward themselves for being unable to achieve the gender expression they wish to take on due to social, economic, or personal constraints.
How Might Gender Envy Manifest in Teenagers?
Gender envy is widespread during the teenage years due to the identity formation and self-exploration they go through. Many are still deciding how to showcase their gender, or which parts of gender expression feel authentic. Observing someone displaying gender characteristics that they wish to adopt can be overwhelming for them in a good way.
Influence of Celebrities and Social Media
For a few teens, gender envy can manifest as an obsession with a particular celebrity or social media influencer who embodies the gender associated with their interests. Other people may play around with different clothing or hairstyle options, names, and pronouns to see what matches.
The Impact of Puberty on Gender Envy
Particular teens may grapple with discomfort during puberty, mainly when their physiology is at odds with their preferred self-image. Such discomfort will likely magnify feelings of gender envy, especially when peers who more closely resemble the desired expression are present.
What Might Cause Teenagers to Feel Gender Envious?
A teen’s gender envy stems from a variety of reasons. One of the primary changes in the life cycle that comes with physical changes and contemplates self-identity is puberty.
Someone on the fuzzy verge of gender identity might speculate on the identity, societal, or self-imposed expectations. Their dissatisfaction grows when they develop into someone perceived as “normal,” which makes their body transformation hard to accept.
Social media, along with representation, is also of the utmost importance. Many teenagers encounter influencers, celebrities, and even everyday citizens who highlight their gender expressions in ways that may seem more appealing or authentic.
Although this can be uplifting, it may turn into frustration or sadness for a teenager who feels they cannot achieve a similar expression. Peers combined with strict societal expectations of gender may make adolescents feel confined to a particular presentation, which can cause gender envy when they see other people express themselves more openly.
How Can Parents Support Teenagers Experiencing Gender Envy?
Parental guidance is essential to assist teenagers in processing their emotions concerning gender envy. One of the most fundamental steps in the strategy is encouraging dialogue.
Supporting candid conversations regarding self-identity promotes an environment conducive to exploration. Parents must do more than hear their children, they must allow them to articulate their feelings without spanning their problems and moving on to the solution.
Respecting Their Gender Journey
Accepting their journey is just as important. There is no immediate or clear solution to gender identity exploration, as it is uniquely individual. Some adolescents may try out various pronouns or ways of dressing before landing on something that feels correct.
Parents must keep their expectations, demands, and pressure at bay during this process. Supporting and fostering an accepting environment can also be cultivated by respecting people’s gender identities in everyday discourse, defying societal gender roles, or challenging boundaries associated with gender in more casual settings.
Modeling Inclusivity at Home
Taking a proactive step toward one’s mental health can sometimes be beneficial. In the case of a teenager who is undergoing some form of distress related to their gender identity, it would be helpful to assist them through the support of a qualified gender therapist.
Understanding Gender Envy and Self-Discovery
Encountering gender envy is part of the natural exploration of one’s gender. Whether it motivates self-reflection or remains superficial, it is best handled with tenderness and curiosity. If gender emotions are overwhelming, talking to accepting communities or mental health professionals can offer comfort and understanding. There is no reason why someone should not express themselves.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
Although gender envy is not a mental health condition, it indeed can manifest with worry, confusion, or dysphoria. If a teenager is undergoing emotional distress or depression associated with their gender identity, it may be time to consult a professional. Gender-affirming therapists do help navigate feelings while assisting with coping strategies and guidance for gender exploration. Contact Hillside Horizon today to talk to a specialist and learn more.
FAQ
What is the definition of gender envy?
Gender envy is the admiration one has for another person’s gender expression, which is usually paired with a wish to possess such characteristics.
What does gender envy feel like?
It may seem that seeing someone whose gender expression matches their identity can provoke an emotional response, ranging from inspiration to nostalgia, yearning, or even annoyance.
Is gender envy the same as dysphoria?
Although gender envy might be an early sign of dysphoria, the two concepts are distinct. While gender dysphoria encompasses profound discomfort relating to one’s gender, gender envy is more aptly defined as admiration and contemplation.
What is the male envy theory?
Male envy theory proposes that some individuals assigned females at birth may envy men due to societal advantages but not due to gender identity. In contrast, gender envy pertains to personal identity rather than social hierarchies.
What does “cisgender” mean?
Cisgender defines individuals whose personal sense of their gender corresponds to the sex they were assigned at birth.
